I ONLY attract jerks.ALL of my ex-boyfriends were cheaters.I'm ready to date, there's just no one around that I'm interested in! We've all had those thoughts before. You know the ones I'm talking about -- Those delusional, it's-not-me-it's-him, overly-exaggerated-in-every-way thoughts. It's an easy defense mechanism for women to use when dating because it gives them an easy way to avoid the only common denominator in all of their dates: Themselves.
If you're blaming everyone but yourself for your dating failures, it's time to take an internal look at why your love life is going awry.
Instead of putting the blame on your dates, take these tips on what you can do to improve your dating life by some simple self-reflection.
If you date the safe bet...
There are always going to be those sure-thing guys. The ones who you've assumed have had crushes on you for years. The ones who stick around despite the fact you're already in a relationship. The ones that will hold your purse for you at the mall in hopes that you'll notice how pleasing they are. You know - The safe ones.
If you've been dating guys who are simply too easy to get, you're likely suffering from one of the most common downfalls of all females: low self-esteem. Constantly going for guys who you know won't reject you is the easiest way to avoid rejection. Instead of aiming for guys you think are worth your time, you're settling for ones you think are least likely to let you down.
Next time you have a date set up, take note if they fall into your 'better an easy date than no date at all' pattern. If they do, either take them on as a platonic friend or politely move on! In order for there to be chemistry there has to be drive, and yes - men aren't exactly known for sparking the flame.
If you date the tough-to-get guys...
The only thing more common than dating an easy catch is dating the guys who are hard to get. Finding yourself attracted to men who pay no interest to you is a challenge -- Proving to yourself that you can win them over can raise your confidence, but a majority of the time it's the chase you're attracted to, not the person. Once you've landed that challenging first date, what's next? The novelty of being victorious in the situation wears off quickly, and when it does you're left with nothing but a date you can probably do better than.
If you're chasing a guy who's playing hard to get, move on to someone who isn't playing games from the start!
If you date stereotypical jerks...
Although you probably don't see yourself as someone who actively chases after jerks, there's a good chance you subconsciously do that if you're finding yourself with them time and time again.
Usually when you find yourself going for jerks, you can safely assume that it's not their sub-par personality that you're attracted to, it's the safety net they provide. Getting involved gives you an easy way out. Whether it's in two days or two months, being able to have the excuse of 'That guy was a loser anyways' ready for when the relationship fails prevents you from ever being truly vulnerable in the relationship.
Going after certified A-Holes is your mind telling you that you're afraid of getting hurt. Instead of putting yourself in a situation you know is doomed to fail, find one that you're afraid will fail. That fear may be a scary feeling, but it's your body's way of telling you that they're worth your time.
If you date the guys who just don't call you back...
Don't hate the player or the game -- Hate the fact that you're stuck in a cycle of guys who have commitment issues. If you've found someone you're interested in, take time to get to know them! How do they feel about commitment? When is the last time they were in a relationship? Are they looking for something serious, or do they want to keep it casual? Most women fail to ask these very basic questions and are left baffled at why their phone remains uncalled.
Knowing what they're looking for and if you fit that bill will prepare you on your chances to get that call back. If they're just looking for sex and you give it to them, you should't be surprised when they move on before it even gets a chance to start!
By knowing why these patterns repeat can teach you a lot about yourself as a dater, but more importantly they can help you break out of your routine. In dating, the best offense is a good defense: get to know your downfalls as a dater so you know what to avoid! To read more by Andy and his cohorts, visit www.womenfindingmen.com!
