How still it is here -- Stinging into the stones, The locusts' trill.

So, I have amazed myself at my magical abilties the last two weeks. I have made more money from magic, than I have from my regular job!

AUGUST 12 CYCLES:
Here is a copy of an email I sent my friend K.A. in Tokyo tonight, explaining my new understanding of Cycles (with some Gauge Theory and Tai Chi metaphysics mixed in!):
CYCLES... AND LUNCH TOMORROW?

Here is a lift from this book -- this is modern physics given the Eastern touch!:

AUGUST 16 2006: THE 10 HOUR RULE.
R. Lessons I could get it to the end of the Comfort Zond but there got stalled within the 10 hour manifestation window. Kino was good， there was plenty of touch and deep communion and intimacy at the 7th hour mark... but at that point I blew it. As it was I couldn´t isolate her， I couldn´t extract her， and my space was invaded by other guys who stole my thunder and made me seem quiet and serious by comparison. One of the other guys has since been vanquished （in a manner of speaking）， but I have a suspicion that my boss also likes her. In any case， the 10 hour window of opportunity has closed... and I think I am going to be stuck at a touchy feely kind of friend level. I might be able to go out with R. and my boss many times and feel her leg under the classroom table， but I can´t see any possibility of being able to extract her to my place， or even kiss her. And faced with this realization， I have decided to cash in my chips， and try to manifest a completely new rel ationship.

That hostess girlfriend manifestation attempt is already partly manifested in a story form. Lets burn that story again and see what happens. Next relationship I want to bust past the ゛other guy obstruction problem゛.

How about this： Paper Burning has given me a momentum in Kino which can be maintained. Once I give up on R.， that momentum will be transferred to the next girl. But the most pressing need of the hour is to make up for the weaknesses in the extraction and isolation departments. So， the new burn priority will be along the lines of： she asked me out. Even if nothing more happens， this will be the going on a date just the two of us relationship. And I only have 10 hours to make it happen！
This would be a good time to end a Jidai and go overseas. But I don´t have the money！ Or maybe this particular Jidai is far from over!

AUGUST 17 2006: INSTANT AUTOMATIC MANIFESTATION

It is a strange thing that having identified the missing necessary factors in the R. relationship manifestation yesterday, today almost all of them were resolved (in theory at least.) I wrote yesterday that the things preventing the R. relationship from ever manifesting correctly were my difficulties in extracting/isolating her, the possibility that another guy was interested in her and the possibility that my boss was also interested in her (w.t.f!). Today, after arriving at work on an erratic, hot and wet taiphoon kind of Tokyo day, my boss abriptly and actively promised to help me win R., shattering in one swoop the three obstacles listed above. He even vowed to make sure R. and I would be sitting together the next time we go out, articulating a hope and wish I had never verbally expressed. He also vowed to condemn the other guy who may be interested in R. (my co-worker) to romantic exile, and he told off the guy later in the day on an unrelated issue. As the day went by, I had the uncanny feeling that my boss was doing and saying and promising everything I could have wished him to do/say/promise, as if I was controlling him -- even to the point of scolding the co-worker who had pissed me off. When I arrived at the train station on my way home, a train pulled in just as I stepped on to the platform. Whenever I approached an intersection on the walk from the next station to my house, the traffic lights turned green for me. I was perfectly in synch with everything, there was not a hint of Murphy's Law to be found. I hadn't asked for any of these things to happen using Paper Burning. but they happened anyway, without me even consciously wishing for them to happen. So, what is going on? Perhaps after nearly daily Paper Burns and thinking about magic all the time, I have become so infused and intoxicated with magic that it is starting to happen automatically, instantaenously, perhaps even thoughtlessly. And just as my first visit to Nishiarai Temple in 2003 coincided with the advent of a continuous herbal high in 2003, so I seem to be entering a state of constant magical manifestation in the days following my second visit to the temple. I don't even need to burn paper to make stuff happen -- although regular Paper Burning will probably add the energy to keep me in a permanent manifesting state.

There is one troubling aspect of the R. relationship manifestation which I didn't write about yesterday, but which needs to be cleared up before it can advance. And that is that while the kino has been good, I can't tell whether it because she is just a touchy-feely person, or whether she is attracted to me, or perhaps a bit of both. So having written down this problem on this blog, I hope tomorrow the resolution will magically appear. In other words I am not going to go out of my way to try to touch her, but wait for her to touch me instead!

AUGUST 18: I HAVE GOT A NEW CULINARY CONTACT IN MALAYSIA
I got an email from someone whose website I had linked with on my Kuala Lumpur dining review page: it was Vincent Kok from CharKueyTeow.com. I want to send him an email soon, and ask if I could meet him the next time I am in Malaysia -- for some reason the Malaysian part of my homepage is especially popular, and I want to expand it in the future.

AUGUST 21: A REALIZATION OF HOW CYCLES CAN BE EXPLOITED
I walked up to Nishi Arai Daishi Temple (in Adachi Ward) today, the place where I had my strange cycle realization last week. I wasn't expecting it, but the same cyclic symptoms which appeared last week reappeared again today -- well, most of them did anyway! This is a major revelation to me because it means that cycles are not time determined, and can be triggered and controlled (and therefore exploited). In other words, once I know there are cycles at work in the universe, I can trigger them whenever I need one of the symptoms or traits that the cycle comprises of. The very fact that I went up to Nishi Arai Daishi Temple today triggered the whole cycle to repeat again. And here are the traits of the cycle which are repeating today:
1. I went to the temple near Nishiarai. The first time (2003) I was lost, the second time I had a Tokyo map so I knew I couldn't get lost. The third time (today) I took a map but I didn't need it.
2. Coming home: The first time (2003) I sat on the right-hand-side of the train, the second time (2006) I sat on the left-hand-side. The third time (today) I sat on the right-hand-side in the middle of the regular seat section.
3. Each time I come home from Nishi Arai I see something which seems otherwordly, futuristic, and it gives me a mystical kind of feeling. The first time (2003) I saw three huge round gas tanks, the second time (2006) I saw three huge rectangular apartment buildings. (Those buildings didn't exist in 2003). The third time (today) I saw three flags rising from a school building which seemed to look futuristic and somewhat exotic. The middle of the three flags was the hi no maru, the Japanese flag: a red sun (circle) in the middle of the rectangular flag. So, it was a combination of a circular and rectangular design.
4. When I got home I read a story about THE ROLLING STONES. The first time (2003) I read a story about lead singer Mick Jagger. The second time (2006) I read a story about the band's guitarist, Keith Richards. When I got home today, there was a story about the ROLLING STONES concert at Wembley, with both Keith and Mick featured in the photo (Keith a little more prominently than Mick, might it be said.)
5. On all three trips to Nishi Arai Daishi, I saw men of African descent, who are obviously rare in Japan.
6. On my previous two visits to Nishi Arai Daishi, I was able to withdraw money from my credit card account the following day. I don't want to withdraw any money tomorrow -- but I do want to borrow some money from my boss. So, I assume he will lend me the money as I hope, enabling the cycle to repeat again perfectly.

How can I exploit this particular cycle? If I want to withdraw money from account in the future and I am worried that it is not working, it is overdrawn, etc, then perhaps I could visit Nishi Arai Daishi the day before I plan to go to the bank. That is one possible application of this cycle, I guess. More importantly, understanding how this cycle works will give me clues on how to exploit other, more gamier cycles -- and thus win money and good fortune in the process!

MAGICIANS
I have been having some incredible experiences with manifestation lately. For example, I have wished to find money on the street, and the very next day (yokujitsu) I actually did find money on the street. (And I wasn't even surprised, and since I had trained myself about what to do should I indeed find money on the street, I scooped it up effortlessly and without attracting undue attention from other people walking past.) That was crazy, it is crazy -- I never would have imagined this kind of thing was possible, but I have been getting 100 per cent results with manifestation in the last 18 months or so. Today (after visiting a temple in Tokyo which has magical properties, I am sure) I discovered a new kind of magic which will take my manifestation experiments to a new level of incredibility, but I don't want to talk about it yet because I am not sure how it works (and I don't know how I can control it.) But I call it Cycle Magic (using the natural cycles of the Universe to manifest an experience that I need or desire.) Today I saw a stunning example of Cycle Magic at work, and I am still on a bit of a high about that. If I could use this magic, I could make a killing from gambling (I successfully predicted that the British Guardian newspaper would have a big story about the Rolling Stones in their newpspaper today, so I could use this magic to predict other things as well, like sports and horse race results.) But I am still not sure how to use it correctly.

I remember what when I lived in Australia me and my friends used to attend workshops with this psychic woman, which were always really astounding (we saw her manifest a lightning strike on one particular occasion -- she said "I want to bring down light!" and suddenly a lightning bolt hit almost on the top of the house we were in, frightening the shit out of everyone assembled.) There was a storm going on at the time, but nonetheless, that was a direct hit -- it couldn't have been a coincidence! Whenever she walked into a room, the light bulbs would start flickering and the hairs on my neck would stand up... she was pushing out that much energy from her aura. After my first workshop with her, when I went home I started vomiting (and I tell no lie, it was black vomit) -- I could feel all the dark matter of my body being expurged from my system, because my vibration had been lifted up too high for this dark matter to coexist with it. Anyway, during one particular workshop this psychic woman said to me: "You know, when I look at you, what I see is a magician. You're a magician." Someone else in the room said: "But we're all magicians, potentially." And the psychic (Janene her name was) said: "No, that's not true. Magicians are a rare breed. He's a magician. You other people aren't. Sorry about that."

I didn't think anything of this at the time. I knew at that time that I was aware of cycles at work -- strange coincidences and that sort of thing. I never tried to use the coincidences to advance my own agenda. But recently I have, and it is working. I am starting to become the magician Janene said I would be become (or what I always was, deep down.)

I reckon that this kind of magic is a science -- and that modern scientests are aware of it. The trouble is, scientests are so cut off from the rest of the world that they can't communicate their findings with the rest of the world. They are living in their own little world, discovering incredible things about how we create our own reality, but their language is so wierd, normal people can't understand it. I can't understand it. You call yourself a bilinguist -- can you can understand this? (As for me, zenzen wakanai!)

PERIODIC INSTANTONS Instantons are particular connections on four-manifolds, satisfying a partial differential equation called the anti-self-dual equation. In principle, there exist a correspondence between instantons on a quotient of R4 by a translation symmetry subgroup and the solutions to a related equation on a quotient by some dual subgroup. This correspondence, a non-linear analog of the Fourier transform, is called the Nahm transform and provides a better understanding of the spaces of instantons.

DEHN FILLINGS AND ASYMPTOTICALLY HYPERBOLIC EINSTEIN MANIFOLDS I will present a gluing construction which allows one to obtain infinitely many asymptotically hyperbolic Einstein manifolds by filling in the cusps of certain infinite-volume hyperbolic manifolds. This is a generalisation of Anderson's Dehn filling contruction of compact negatively curved Einstein manifolds.

AUGUST 22 2006: EXPLOITING CYCLE MAGIC.
Here is a theory which is both active and passive, Yin and Yang, and satisfies my urge to make some money out of Cycle Magic while also learning more about the science of manifestation. I have noticed since last week that visiting a particular temple in the north of Tokyo causes a particular cycle to come into effect, as if by magic. I know that going to the temple activates the cycle -- now I want to utilize this cycle, to spring it into effect in a way that benefits me. So, how do I do that? For the past day my brain has been racked with this question.

Here is my plan:
1. The basic strategy is to try to activate the cycle in a negative way, meaning the entire dimensionality of the cycle will be Yin rather than Yang. On my past three visits to Nishi Arai Daishi, I went there on foot and came back by train. Next time I want to go there by train and then walk back to my house. For the whole of this day, I will observe what happens and see how these events relate back to the events surrounded my three previous Nishi Arai Daishi visits.
2. The following day scenairo: On my previous visits to Nishi Arai Daishi, the following day I was compelled to withdraw money from my credit card, or borrow money -- in all cases there was a debit to my fortunes. This time around, and for the next three Nishi Arai Daishi cycles, I want there to be a CREDIT to my fortunes. I will initiate the first round of the SECOND TRIO CYCLES, by arranging to visit Nishi Arai Daishi the day before I deposit a large sum of cash into my credit card account in Shibuya. So, it is likely I will go to Nishi Arai Daishi the next time on September 3 2006, and then I will deposit money into my credit card account on the next day -- September 2 2006.
3. Null Zone possiblities -- It is a possibility, but it something I can work with should I realise there is a Null Zone component of this cycle.
AUGUST 25 2006: FOUND MONEYS.
I think I told you about experiments I was running to do with manifesting shit -- Paper Burning Magic. I have been getting into it more and more recently, and I log my results -- and it is pretty much 100 per cent success, guaranteed. Let me explain my technique: I think about something I would like to manifest in my life, then I go on to the Internet (using Google, for now at least, until there is a new Google) and search for experiences written by people who have experienced the kind of thing I want to experience. So for example, I thought it would be interesting to find money lying around on the street. I did a search on the Internet, and found on some guys weblog a story which was basically: "I found $200 on the street today! Lucky me!"

I printed out this story on a page, burnt it, and waited for what would result. As usual I thought that nothing was going to happen, I was just being superstitious and wierd. For the first two days nothing happened, I didn't find no money on the street, and I began to feel disappointed. "What was I expecting?" I thought. "This is dumb." And then I turned on the TV, and there was an old Japanese movie on about this guy who was seriously short of money. He went to the pawn shop trying to pawn off his watch, but the pawnographer said his watch was worthless. He then went outside, and saw a whole bunch of banknotes lying on the road, as if they had been deposited by Heaven! He dived on the notes, but as he did they changed into pieces of paper. The poor guy threw the pieces of paper he had picked up away, assuming they were worthless -- but then suddenly this old guy jumped onto the road and picked up all the paper. I couldn't understand exactly what he said, but he said something like: "Each of these pieces of paper is worth 50,000 Yen!" (Maybe they were bonds or something, I didn't quite get it.) The poor man, doubly defeated, leaves the scene, dejected. But in the process, I got my moment of enlightenment.

As soon as I saw this, I realized: This was the manifestation of my wish! I had wished to experience finding money on the street, and I had experienced it -- through the medium of TV. Not exactly the experience I was wanting to experience, but at least it worked (like I said: 100 per cent success rate -- Paper Burning always works!) So I thought: maybe this manifestation is at the moment only 50 per cent complete. It has manifested, but on TV, rather than in real life. It needs an extra push. If I burn that piece of paper again, it will burst through the barrier between the TV world and reality, and become real. And so I printed out again the story of the guy who found $200 on the street, and burnt it. And soon after I thought: "Nothing is going to happen... in real life, miracles don't happen. Why am I wasting my time doing this?"

But here's the amazing thing: it did actually work. I did find money on the street, on not one but two occasions in the same week, which is something that rarely happened before. I must admit, that after having wished to find money, I was looking hard at the ground when I was walking around, to see if anyone had dropped some money. But when I was doing that, nothing ever happened. When I wasn't thinking about finding money (and particularly after I had given up hope of finding money), that's when I found it. (I think this is an important point -- when you are seeking for something, you will never find it. In Quantum Mechanics they call it the Boiling Pot Theory -- when you are boiling water and watching the pot it will never reach the point of boiling, or it will take a long time to boil; if you don't pay any attention to the pot, it will boil in no time at all!) When I had my mind on other things, I found 150 Yen in a vending machine after buying a drink, and then later I found 50 Yen walking near the station at Ueno where we drank coffee at Starbucks the last time you were here. All up I found 200 Yen in 10 days. Which is a pretty measely amount (enough to buy a coffee), but it is still money. It still has an impact.

I was thinking about it yesterday and suddenly it dawned on me: in my original burning request I had asked to receive $200 from the street. I didn't get $200, but I got 200 Yen. Now there is a common demoninator here, and that is the number "200". The universe gave me what I wanted -- 200 units of currency. Unfortunately, the Universe failed to grasp the fact that 200 Yen is not the same as 200 dollars. There is a big difference as you know! But maybe the elemental creative forces of the Universe can't understand this -- or maybe it means my manifestation is 75 per cent complete (it has broken through to the physical plane, but is only partially effective.) So, maybe it needs another little push. Which is why tomorrow I am going to do another burn -- I want to find more money on the street. Even if it is only 200 Yen, it would still make a difference -- and prove yet again that Paper Burning works!

AUGUST 28 2006: A Dose of Maniac High Consciousness on the Streets of Shibuya Have I seen Chris today? That's the funny thing -- I saw him today, which started an amazing series of events, which led to the esteemed state of consciousness I now find myself in. We went to this New Zealand guy's place, smoked a pipe, and I got really stoned for the first time in literally years. As the marijuana began to come on I got the feeling that all the marijuana compounds and molecules were combining with the Royal Jelly and Ginseng and green tea and coffee compounds and molecules that exist in my body to make new combinations... new molecules which perhaps might have never existed before, because nobody had ever had the precise combination of ingredients to create them. In other words, I was getting stoned in a way that perhaps nobody else has ever experienced. And it was a strange sensation, still continuing now some 4 hours later -- I got the full imaginative effect of the marijuana, and the complete mental focus and stability provided by Royal Jelly and the like. Chris (who seemed stoneder than I was) suggested we go down to Shibuya to hit on all the schoolgirls there. It seemed like a good plan so we started walking to the station. On the way an idea flashed into my mind:

Reality = Consciousness times Desire. Consciousness being awareness, sensitivity. The more sensitive and perceptive you are, the stronger your consciousness and the more power you have to create reality. Paper Burning is the desire. The smart drugs give me the deeper concentration and consciousness, Paper Burning gives me the crystallization of Desire. When I apply the flame to the wish, instantly the equation gets enacted: R=CD. Or we could get Einsteinian about it and call the equation R=CD squared. Once the equation is enacted through some symbolic act like burning paper (or whatever), a new state of reality gets automatically created. And then you have got to sit back and wait for it to happen.

So this is the chemical and spiritual side of the afternoon covered -- it will give me stuff to think about for a month. Nonetheless, it was what happened once we got to Shibuya that was the real highlight of the day. All of a sudden, about five of my Paper Burning wishes started manifesting at the same time -- in a kind of blend. (Some of the manifestations are hard to explain and I can't be bothered talking about them, but they will give me plenty of ideas for future manifestation attempts). But there was one particularly straightforward manifestation, which was so sweet, it blew me away. About a month ago I had burnt this printout of a story written by this guy called Maniac High -- he is the master of the Shibuya street seduction style. Every day he is out in Shibuya picking up girls and taking them to love hotels -- he is a legend on the Internet Once we got out of Shibuya Station and hit Hachiko Square, I got the feeling that from out of the blue I was suddenly living a day in the life of Maniac High. I was living a piece of his life, a piece of his reality had blossomed into my reality. I mean, damn it -- we were even in Shibuya, the place where Maniac High operates! How literal could this manifestation be! We started approaching groups of girls (strangely the New Zealand guy was drawn to schoolgirls a lot), and before too long there was some touchyfeeling stuff happening. I held off on the schoolgirls for taste rather than moral issues (I wasn't attracted to them) but I got to hold hands with this cute slim 20-something girl, for a couple of seconds at least, got some hugs and stuff from strangers. Even though like a million people were walking past and staring at us, I could feel my inhibitions starting to slide. Like I said, it felt like being performance artists, a figure in a dream, and a baby in a playpen, all that same time (and in the heart of one of the busiest parts of Tokyo at rush hour!)

So I must confess, I wasn't the complete Maniac High today -- I didn't make it to a Love Hotel, but usually the first time I burn some a particular wish it doesn't manifest completely -- it manifests like 20 per cent or manifests as an episode in a book I am reading or a TV show I happen to watch. By that standard, today was a good result, because Manifestation is a cumulative process. Today I was 20 per cent Maniac High -- I got to the handholding stage but couldn't push it any further. So I got to burn that story again -- who knows what will happen next time? I could get the phone number of a girl off the street, and some other kind of action. It is going to happen and it is going to happen soon, I can feel it. As we were with these girls (and especially the schoolgirls) it was amusing to receive disapproving stares from other people... gaijin women were the first offenders.) But I didn't care -- it felt like they were just figures in my reality, like spectators, and we were putting on a performance on a stage. This could sound wierd, but it did feel at times like being a baby -- I was at the baby stage of unitary consciousness.

Anyway, Chris had already headed off to work, and I hung out with the N.Z. guy a little longer, we played a few video games, sarged a few more girls, and then I decided I had had enough. I had taken the first steps into a new way of life -- I decided I should step back a bit and let it integrate with my existing reality, because that street seduction stuff was starting to get seriously addictive. I will get my next dose of Maniac High consciousness soon enough, I am sure -- even stronger than today's dose. I went walking for a while, just moving with the crowds. As I was walking I remembered a dream I had two months ago or so -- it was the kind of dream that gives you a good feeling when you wake up in the morning. In the dream I had unexpectedly ended up at a party, and flirted with all these beautiful women -- the fun just went on and on. It was a classic party to say the least. Eventually in the dream I went to sleep in a shallow pool of water, and when I woke up in the morning there was a huge cylindrical building towering over me. As I remembered the dream, I looked up, and saw the same building I had seen from the dream in the same profile -- it was the Roppongi Hills Tower. And I thought: "This day just keeps on getting better and better!"

I went into Roppongi Hills and got the train home and sat down I could feel my energy levels rising -- it was like a volcano ready to blow! I feel a burst inside me... and then there's this loud bang and the train deaccelerates dramatically, then spurts forward again, as if there had been a power surge. The staff had to come on to the mike to apologize for that one. I close my eyes, and I have the sensation that I am taking CAT scans of my brain, but I am FEELING them. For a second or so, I can actually feel my thoughts. So what do thoughts feel like? You know the static you get on a TV that it is not tuned into a station -- if you can imagine what that static and white noise would feel like if it were inside your head, that is what thoughts feel like. Like lots of little electrical pinpricks but the pinpricks are so weak, they don't hurt -- it is more of a tingling feeling. But even weaker than a tingling, because thoughts are so small, you know what I mean. But yet all these little flashes of neurons manage (magically, through the laws of Quantum Mechanics) to create a hologram which is our experience of the universe. This ability to feel my thoughts only lasted for a split second, and now the experience is over, and I look back on it, I get the feeling that it actually didn't happen! I mean, I can remember the experience, but now it doesn't feel real anymore. Or rather, it feels real and unreal at the same time. And here in this uncertainity I think lies the key to manifestation, and the interaction of Consciousness and Desire which manifests as Reality. Here it is: If you are sensitive enough that you can feel neurons firing in your brain, you are getting down to a scale of reality where the normal laws of physics don't work anymore. At this scale, Newtonian Physics gives way to Quantum Mechanics -- pretty much any scientest will tell you that. Once you get to the atomic level, you can make literally anything happen. You can reprogram the hologram which is our experience of life, and make your dreams and desires come true.

AUGUST 29 2006: DROPPED PURSE
That's all true what you say about marijuana -- after experiencing its power yesterday, I realize what a folly it is to use it on a daily basis like I used to do in Australia. It is a tool that should be used fleetingly, not abused. Luckily I don't get a chance to use it that often. Otherwise I might have gone insane already.

Yeah, I heard about the Russian guy -- and at the time I thought about myself, how different we are. But everybody is different anyway, that is part of the glory -- the challenge is to take your personal truth and expand it to the limit, that way you lead a heroic life. That guy in the wheelchair discovering the secrets of the universe (Stephen Hawkings) also fits the heroic mode -- lifeless body, genius mind. So, everybody is different. When they finally come to flower their uniqueness, their flower will be unique. If that Russian mathematician had gone to Las Vegas to use his mathematical skills to beat the machines and win on the tables, he would have become a different kind of hero. And it is all cool to me.

But on to the serious stuff: I had another strange event tonight, and this time I wasn't even stoned. I was walking home through Akihabara, and I got to Ueno, the the place where I have found money on the street on a few occasions this month. There was this older woman walking in front of me, and an old guy between me and her, and perhaps about 10 other people walking in the general area. I see something falling from the woman's bag -- and I realize it was her purse. She's dropped her purse! The old guy was walking behind her - I thought he would notice it and call out to her, but he doesn't notice it, he just walked straight past it. Then suddenly I was walking past the purse, which was pink, and no doubt stashed with money (at least more money than I would earn in a day.) Only yesterday I had burned some paper asking to find money on the street -- and here it was! But I was stricken with doubt -- I didn't know what to do. I wanted to let her know that she had lost her purse -- but she was too far away. I didn't have the heart to pick up the purse and pocket it -- and i was worried that other people would see me. So as it was, I just kept on walking. Maybe I made the right move -- a minute or so the lady, who had started going down the stairs to a subway station, realized she had lost her purse, and walked back to where it was on the sidewalk. All in all that purse was only on the ground like two minutes at the most.

Should I have made a move anyway? Just picked it up and ran? I am starting to think like a criminal -- I've got a criminal instinct starting to emerge! If I can make people lose their wallets and then pick the wallets up on the street, then it is really the Perfect Crime. No judge is going to imprison you for casting magic spells, in today's world at least (that could change in the future, but for now I am totally in the clear.) Anyway, is it illegal to pick up a lost wallet on the street? If (when) I find my next one I am going to take out a banknote or two, and then take it to the nearest police box and turn it in. Or even better I could take out a note or two and put it back where I found it, that way I don't have to deal with the police. I could have done that tonight if I had the guts to do it (I could have slithered down some sidestreet of which there are plenty, taken out a note, and then gone back and put the lady's purse back on the sidewalk where she had dropped it in the two minutes or so before she noticed it was missing.) I just wasn't primed enough to do that! And there were too many other people around which put me off. Hopefully next time I find some big money I will have a little more courage and a little more luck (for example a more secluded environment.)

SEPTEMBER 2 2006: SHARDS OF A FUTURE EARTHQUAKE SCATTERED INTO THE PRESENT
Did you hear there was a big emergency near Liberty House tonight? There were a lot of shoubousha and police on the corner of Kototoi Dori, and a lot of people watching. It is the first time I have seen something like that since I came to Japan. The strange thing is, I didn't see any fire, and in the end I don't think there was any fire. Maybe it was a false alarm. But as I was watching the scene I thought to myself -- there have been a few strange events like this in the past few days. Like all those helicopters I have seen lately. And as you said: "Three > days ago, there was a huge fire breaks nearby, and fire helicopers were > there, too. And yesterday (bosai no hi = day for earthquake) had many of > them in the sky. "

Then I got an idea what might be happening. Last week I did a Paper Burning experiment, and my wish was: "There will be no big earthquakes in Tokyo in the future." I thought at the time that was going to be an impossible wish, because there have always been big earthquakes in Tokyo. But anyway, it made me feel better to make this kind of wish. In the week since I made this wish, I have seen all those helicopters in the sky. On Thursday there was a small earthquake here. And then tonight there was the false alarm emergency in Uguisudani. These are the kinds of things which would happen if there was a big earthquake in Tokyo.

It might sound crazy but here is my theory about what happened: there is a big Tokyo earthquake which exists in future (with buildings on fire and helicopters flying around and a lot of people on the streets, watching all these events.) When I did that Paper Burning wish which said "there will be no earthquakes in Tokyo in the future", it created a confrontation with the future earthquake. Because the future earthquake exists, but I was saying: it doesn't exist. So, how could these two contradictory states be balanced? What I think happened is that some of the energy of the future earthquake got sent back in time, to the present. So, for the past few days me (and you as well) have experienced the future earthquake, but in a small and harmless way. Nobody got hurt, nobody was injured in the fire tonight (in fact there was no fire, it was just a false alarm.) But I think in the process the future earthquake lost some energy -- when it does happen it won't be as strong, or it will happen a little later than it was originally going to happen. By doing the Paper Burning experiment, I let off some of the pressure of the future earthquake. It is like I am breaking up the earthquake into small pieces, and scattering them through time, so nobody gets hurt. Maybe this is an example of how people will prevent natural disasters in the future!

I want to do another Paper Burning Manifestation Wish to stop a future earthquake later this month -- how about on September 15? If you notice any strange events happening around that time (like fires, another small earthquake, other problems) please let me know. If nothing happens, it could mean my whole theory is wrong (and I am crazy?)

SEPTMBER 3: MORE REALIZATIONS ABOUT PAPER BURNING
But actually I don't think that creative manifestation can be controlled, because it works in a random way. It is impossible to control the world -- capitalism is trying to control the world right now (and make every place the same), but the world is fighting back (through terrorism, global warming, hurricanes and so on.)

When I do Paper Burning, it is like playing a game with Life. I don't know what will happen -- but I know something will happen. The result is different every time. I have done the "I found money on the street!" wish burn 5 times now. If you read the wish, it actually says: "I found $200 on the street". It was written by some guy on the Internet and I found the story and have printed it out on paper 5 times, and burnt it. The first time I did it, I saw a program on TV about someone finding money on the street. The second and third times I tried it, I found 200 Yen on the street. I tried burning it for the fourth time last week. A few days later, I was walking near Ueno when a woman walking in front of me dropped her purse by mistake. I could have picked up the purse but I didn't want to (it felt risky)... a few minutes later the woman realized she had dropped it and came back to pick it up. If I was a thief I could have stolen it! Today was the fifth time I have tried this particular burn ceremony. Only a few hours later I found 20 Yen in Adachi Ward. So every time I try it the result is different -- but everytime the result is different, and certain things keep coming up (like the number "2" -- I find 200 Yen, 20 Yen, the original guy in America found $200. Maybe next time I will find 2000 Yen, or 20,000 Yen, or 2 Yen. But I can't predict what is going to happen so it is kind of like a slot machine.)

By the way, this morning at about 9am as I was trying to sleep the earthquake alarm siren sounded, and there was a message that everyone should go and assemble at the old school across the road. I went over there to see what was happening and I saw one of the neighbor's there (the barber's wife). She said it was a bousai kunren (earthquake drill). I asked her if the fire emergency last night near Liberty House was also a bousai kunren, and she said no, it wasn't. It was a machigai (false alarm) which is what I thought last night, because I couldn't see any smoke.

September 6 2006: DAVID HASSELHOFF AS THE ANTICHRIST -- A MOVIE IDEA.
The guy is a fucking classic -- the way he talks in real life is just like the way he talks on TV (cheesy, cliched) -- and I should know because I heard him talking in Madrid Airport. I started thinking: what kind of movie would you put in him? And for some reason I thought: something dark, something where he is the bad guy, not just bad but kind of spiritually bad (because that is the opposite of his public perception.) I thought he could be some kind of David Koresh kind of character, an Osama bin Laden -- leading his disciples to ruin. I don't know why -- the idea of him being a powerhungry maniac trying to control the world somehow appealed to me. I did a Google search on his name and came up with this following story which gave me inspiration for an idea: David Hasselhoff is the AntiChrist! "David Hasselhoff: 'Maybe I Am The Antichrist?' David Hasselhoff fears he may be the Antichrist after reading conspiracy theories about himself on the internet. The star confesses he's hooked on searching his own name on the net and reading the wacky entries fans post. He says, "I Google myself. This morning it said, 'References to David Hasselhoff: seven million, three hundred and thirty-three thousand, six hundred. Everything from me being a God to being the Antichrist. "I actually read it and believed it. I started thinking, 'Maybe I am the Antichrist? Maybe why that's why all this weird s**t that has started happening to me and women yell at me on the street." -------------------------- There is a whole constellation of good ideas in this short story. For example, if I post this email on my homepage (which I will do shortly) David could well read it. And then maybe he will send me an email saying: "I hear you guys are interested in casting me in a movie as the Anti-Christ. What's your idea, guys? I am all ears." And then I could reply him: "The idea of the movie is to replicate the cliched cheesiness of SNAKES ON A PLANE, and take it to the next level. Corny dialogue, 1980s style one-dimensional characterisation (plenty of guys smoking Cuban cigars and talking about where their suits were made) and unsophisticated special effects, bad editing, etc. Occasional lapses of continuity. And this is all to cover up the spiritual magnitude of the movie's theme, which is that wish creates reality. "And the basic plotline is this: it is the year 2012, and in the middle of a career slump, David Hasselhoff (playing himself in the movie) enrols in a new mysterious Asian religious movement in Beverley Hills. David is starting to get interested in the deeper questions of life. At the same time, David is intriqued by some puzzling events which have taken place in his personal life. He feels that sometimes he has the power to manipulate reality -- just by thinking about it. We can get some oldschool horror genre references in, a lift from THE OMEN -- a lawyer who was causing The Hoff some trouble gets run down by a bus, as The Hoff watches on. Which makes him wonder whether he made it happen, by the power of his will. "The world at this time is embroiled in strife: Iran has announced it has The Bomb, creating a politcal crsis in America. David Hasselhoff is shopping in Malibu one day when this guy in an overcoat (on such a hot day) cries out "God is great!" and detonates himself... David has to dive out of the way to avoid the schrapnel. It was the first ever suicide bombing on American soil. "In his spiritual school, The Hoff soon attracts the attention of his mentor with his amazing abilities. He can light candles just by looking at them. The mentor thinks: This new recruit is not only famous, lending us a lot of publicity value -- he is also talented! In short, he is leadership material. And then The Mentor dies in a bizarre fishing accident, and that is what David H becomes -- a leader. And it is his first step on the road to achieving his Satanic destiny..."

SEPTEMBER 08 2006: I WANT TO MAKE US$50,000 OVER THE NEXT 10 YEARS FROM ONLINE ADVERTISING.
Tragic news about Steve Irwin the Crocodile Hunter. Apparently even John Howard was in tears when he heard the news. Still, I saw some footage of his show on his TV this week, and he looked more like a lout than a genuine larrikin. For example, I saw him dive into the pond next to a crocodile in the show trying to make a big as splash as possible, and then bolting across the fence before the croc could get him. A little childish and what point was he trying to make? In another clip he had two snakes wrapped around his neck and he shouted at the camera: "These snakes are BLOODY POISONOUS!" Well, if they are "bloody poisonous", why not let them go and leave them alone -- they probably don't appreciate being manhandled by the likes of him. Strange though that he survived all those encounters with snakes and crocodiles, but in the end it was a humble stingray that done him in.

I have got a plan to make $50,000 from the Internet in the next 10 years. I am due to get my next Internet advertising cheque for $100, the second of the year, and looking at the results I can see which of my homepages are successful, and which aren't. There is one page I designed earlier in the year, called Study in Malaysia, it took me about 10-15 hours to put it together. It is basically for people wanting to study in Malaysia, and has information about universities there and how to get in contact with the universities. It is not even finished, and has plenty of holes in it, but for some reason it gets a lot of visitors. Looking at the results I noticed it has made $11.45 in the four months since I wrote it. That's an average of 8 cents a day, or $30 a year. If this page continues to get the same rate of visitors for the next 10 years, it will earn me $300 over the next 10 years. (I know a lot can happen in 10 years, but I still think the Internet will be around in 10 years, and there will be even more people using it -- especially in India and Asian countries. And all those Indians will be looking for somewhere to study, and Malaysia might appear to be a good option for them.) So, if this page makes me $300 in 10 years and it took me 15 hours to develop it, that labour works out to be the equivalent of $20 an hour, which is not bad.

Next week I want to develop a new page called Study in Singapore, which I hope will also eventually earn 8 cents a day in advertising. In fact, I want to develop two new pages a month specifically to earn money. I have found real estate, education and airport guides to be particularly good areas for making homepages in. If I make 20 new homepages every year, that will be 200 homepages over 10 years, and if they all make 8 cents a day, that means I will be making $5000 a year from the Internet by 2016. So, you see, it could turn out to be a good investment in the long run.

Some body anchors for the CLARITY TOD:
Left-hand ring finger (薬指 meets right-hand little fanger (小指) -- spiritual oneness, oneness and calmness in the place that I live, happiness, contentment, confidence, peace, sublimity, etc.

And another thought: when anchoring emotional responses on to another person, exploit their preferred thinking sense: visual, kinesthetic, etc! So, a visual anchor for a visual person :>.

In the American society, where the percentage of Auditorial people is negligible, a voice tonality, tempo, pitch or the direction of the voice (which way you look while talking) will almost always go unnoticed. Say you are in the business negotiations. Then talk about good things looking slightly left and talk about bad things while looking slightly right. And then use this anchor - talk about your services while looking slightly left and if the conversation touches services of your competitors (and if not - you can always bring it up) - talk about them while looking slightly right. This way your opponent will get an unconscious message saying "this guy is good and his competitors are not".

When you attend the presentation, move while you are talking. Stay in different spots, while talking about different subjects. It is called a spatial anchor.

This something else to think about, from the School of CT (Cognitive Therapy):

Cognitive Behaviour (CB) theorists assert that thoughts are organized into a three-tiered hierarchy. These thoughts are at the core of maintaining the problem, and therefore each level needs to be addressed, analysed, understood and modified.

the NATS may be triggered excessively.

2. Underlying conditional assumptions or rules - attitudes that is an intrinsic part of an individual's value system or personal philosophy. Some attitudes are positive and functional, however others are destructive and can increase vulnerability to painful mood swings and interpersonal conflicts. These rules have a number of characteristics :- they are cross-situational (unlike the NATS), are learned, culturally determined, idiosyncratic, rigid and resistant to change, linked to powerful emotional responses, are over-generalisations and guaranteed to perpetuate low self-esteem. There are two categories of underlying beliefs (1) the underlying assumptions which are the conditional beliefs (if・.then) and (2) the rules or drivers (which are characterised by should and must statements) - these provide the guidelines for how we operate in the world and what we expect to happen to us. The rules are given credibility without being challenged and are derived from the core beliefs. These are almost always represented in a positive way e.g. if people liked me then they would be friendly towards me, as opposed to saying if people don't like me then they won't be friendly towards me and this will take thinking directly to the core issue. The positive slant is thus a defence, a means by which individuals hope to avoid coming face to face with the disturbing core negative beliefs. The more effective these rules are, the more one lives by them and the harder it is to access the core belief for modification.

3. At the heart of self-esteem lie central beliefs about oneself and one's core ideas about the kind of person you are. These beliefs are called schemata, are usually formed in childhood and normally regarded as a statement of fact by the holder. Negative core beliefs are merely distorted opinions, based on self-perception. They become instrumental in shaping our outlook on life and reverberate on all levels. A core belief is cross-situationally activated. Once activated, it produces a cognitive shift away from positive and more realistic cognitions to the negative and the person begins to systematically interpret / distort incoming information to fit into the schemata (the core belief) structure. In this way it's maintenance is secured. The person now feels emotionally disturbed or distressed. Once the disturbance has passed or ameliorated, the negative core belief becomes deactivated and returns to its latent state.

People also behave in ways that will support their core belief - e.g. my not sharing my thoughts regarding my ideas in groups for fear that I will be considered as intellectually inferior. I therefore take precautions to avoid the feared situation and consequently don't promote an opportunity to subject the belief to reality testing.

According to David Burns (Burns 1980) there are 10 common self-defeating core beliefs, viz :

1. Emotional perfectionism - I should always feel happy, confident and in control of my emotions.
2. Performance perfectionism - I must never fail or make a mistake. Individuals feel that they never get to the top of the mountain as there is always another goal somewhere that needs to be achieved.
3. Perceived perfectionism - people will not love and accept me as a flawed and vulnerable human being.
4. Fear of disapproval or criticism (approval addiction) - I need everybody's approval to be a worthwhile person. Here the health of a person's self esteem is dependent upon how people respond to and what they think of him or her.
5. Fear of rejection (love addiction) - If I am not loved, then life is not worth living. Love is seen as a survival need, and whether or not one is loved will influence the health of self-esteem.
6. Fear of being alone (hopelessness) - if I am alone, then I'm bound to feel miserable and unfulfilled. An inability to find happiness within oneself.
7. Fear of failure (achievement addiction) my worthwhileness depends on my achievements (or my intelligence or status or attractiveness).
8. Conflict phobia - people who love each other should not fight.
9. Emotophobia - I should not feel angry, anxious, in inadequate, jealous or vulnerable.
10. Entitlement - people should always be the way I expect them to be. One expects and demands that needs and wants are met by others.

sunday, june 20, 2004
 e y e c o n t a c t 

IT IS HOT AS HELL HERE IN JAPAN, AND I FEEL A LITTLE ZOMBYIED OUT, FROM THE HEAT AND HUMIDITY AND STUFF. I went for a walk today, and found a whole new world right near my place, a place only 30 minutes from my house called Nezu, full of old-style temples and old houses and stuff. Cool! Next time I will go with my camera, and take plenty of photos. In the meantime I picked up some new information about how I can transform myself from a "chump" (in the parlage) into a player. Here it goes:

Women use their eyes to communicate interest in a man. Men, on the other hand, will usually avoid eye contact with a woman they are interested in.

Although women say they don't like a man to stare at their bodies, they literally melt when a man they might be interested in looks deeply into their eyes. The man who knows how to use his eyes to convey his interest in a woman will be more successful than the man who avoids looking directly into a woman's eyes. Exchanging eye contact is a critical stage of flirting and expressing interest. By not returning eye contact, you lose what could be a tremendous advantage.

What is the most effective way to look at a woman in a club or bar? You want her to see a sexy gleam in your eye. Look directly into her eyes, and as if you were going to hypnotize her, smile and think to yourself: "I like what I see." Although flirting with a woman should not be an obvious come-on, there is nothing wrong with thinking of her sexually when looking into her eyes.

Using your eyes effectively with a woman has a twofold purpose. First, you express your obvious interest in her. Second, you can observe and read what she is communicating through her eye contact. Looking away after establishing eye contact with a woman implies weakness. When you establish eye contact with her for the first time, let her break the look. You may be uncomfortable, but try it; it works!

THE DOMINANT EYE BY VINCENT

Many men, as well as women, have more or less nervous, flickering eyes and have difficulties keep their eyes focused. On the other hand, the experienced player knows how important it is to maintain prolonged eye contact and to look a woman directly into her eyes. Most players will focus both his eyes on the woman's right eye and that will have a certain effect, but here is my method that you could use to influence and impress women on a further deeper level.

The next time you meet a woman that you want to attract, try to give her the dominant look.

The dominant look has nothing whatsoever to do with looking angry or raising your eye brows, a lot of friendliness is crucial. Instead of using the players look where you focus on one of her eyes, you will now focus both your eyes above her nose directly between her eyes.

Players often uses the phrase "prolonged eye contact", but how long is this exactly?

When you use the dominant look there are certain rules and some of them belongs to the category "Not being a nice guy".

Nice guys always agree to everything women say and if they disagree they are kind of whimpy about it, instead of speaking their mind clearly in a calm fashion. However, there is more to agreeing and disagreeing than merely utterances such as "yes" "um" and head nods. In fact, when you keep eye contact with a person that talks to you, it will also on an unconscious level being perceived as an accept.

The dominant look solves both of these matters to impress and influence the woman and at the same time allows you to be specific in your agreements and disagreements. The trick is that when she talks to you, you move your eyes away from her (bad guy stuff) and every time it is your turn to talk to her you look her right between her eyes and keep your eyes there until its her turn to ad to the conversation.

Now you should think that using this kind of prolonged eye contact would be enough to scare any woman a hundred miles away, but it isn't. Just use it and remember to soften it up with lot of friendliness. The impression that you will leave her with will be calm, steady and curious, but although lively look. She will not only view the experience as if you have looked at her, but she will experience it as if you have looked directly into her soul.

monday, june 14, 2004
 a s i a k i t c h e n 

WELL, I WENT OUT WITH MIYUKI AND AIchan LAST NIGHT, TO ASIAN KITCHEN IN UENO, AND FELT AS THE NIGHT PROGRESSED THAT A NEW ERA IN MY LIFE HAD BEGUN. Whether it was from the bottle of Korean ginseng I had drunk, or from my recent interest in self-help and NLP playerdom, I was much more energetic than usual in trying to direct the night and make it a romantic success. Ai even said to me something along the lines of "you are very genki (energetic) this evening". That was a good sign, because it shows there is some sort of transformation taking place in my life. As I look back at my life, I can't believe I was so passive. Now I know the reason the Miyuki situation has stagnated so long, and taken so long to develop, is that I have failed to put in the effort, and lead the relationship. I have been too shy. I figure the lessons of the past six months are this: if I only changed my approach to life, and became more assertive (which includes creativity, optimism, hope), I would get the relationships I dream of. Now I have realised the lesson, and theme of 2004 (the April Year) becomes clear to me.

The following is a note to myself, written in code, so it won't be understood by other readers. Forget about what follows and move on to the next section, "patterns".

Anyway, the reason why, when I passed the "April" mark in previous years (2001, 2002, 2003) I didn't have the will power to sustain the romantic developments of earlier months (January, February and March). That explains the dreaded "April effect" -- the dropout. And in fact, a state of "dropout" has indeed dominated 2004 thus far, but now a solution is here -- assertive thinking and action! This is what is needed to take things to the next level. So, I am not cursed to be inflicted with dropout conditions for the rest of the April year, and the May and June and July years. My relationships will improve, but I have to be the one to improve them, through my own effort and seductive skill. Whereas, in the January to March years, I got offered all the goods without having to do anything.

So, taking control, taking the lead -- that is my new philosophy. And the next step is to win over Miyuki's hesitations by applying my seductive skills, and establishing more rapport. For now, the way to do this is through emailing. And now it is a rule that whenever I go on a date, I should drink a bottle of Korean ginseng beforehand!

sunday, june 13, 2004
 p a t t e r n s 

IT IS TIME TO MOVE TOWARDS A MORE ADVANCED UNDERSTANDING OF NLP PHILOSOPHY, HAVING ESTABLISHED IN EXPERIMENTS THIS WEEKEND THAT THE EYE ACCESSING CUES DO ACTUALLY WORK, AND IT IS POSSIBLE TO SEE PEOPLE HAVING THOUGHTS AT THE EXACT TIME THEY THINK THEM. I find this Angelfire site which is particularly useful in this regard -- it is called Dan Scorpio NLP, Language Pattern and Consciousness. It is interesting that I always predicted (back in my astrology days) that the period between 2004 and 2009 would be the Scorpio Age of my life, with 2004 and 2005 being the "down" years, the years of preparation and changing mindset, and 2006 to 2009 being the years of putting theory into practice, and scoring with multiple women! Well, into the Scorpio Age, and Dan Scorpio can provide me some tips.

Dan's information about the anchoring of memory immediately answered a question that has consumed me of late -- why do memories of past events (some of them from the distant past) spontaenously arise in the mind, and "flash" across my awareness. Up until I thought this was a random process, and that perhaps some part of my mind was spasming (there was some kind of minute electric jolt), which activated the memory. Dan's website gave me the idea that perhaps these "randomly arising memories" (walking down a street in Australia in 1993, watching the traffic in Bangkok, the smell of my shoddy apartment in downtrodden London) are in fact "anchored" to other stimuli which are currently being activated. This is how it is described on Dan's site:

Memory is associational in all modalities. In other words, to use a simple example of a kinesthetic anchor again, if someone hears the word 'Cat' and simultaneously has their shoulder gripped, then next time - but in entirely different circumstances - that same shoulder is gripped in the same manner they will have a tendency to remember the spoken word 'Cat' and whatever internal image they evoked that was associated with that word at the time the anchor was applied. Yes, true: but is not memory associational in all modalities? So, one might ask, what else was going on at the time 'Cat' was originally anchored by the shoulder grip? Well, perhaps there was that nasty smell hanging around from the pig farm down the road, the subject was smoking a pipe (she really should give up) and had the taste of tobacco in her mouth. The room was really hot (ninety degrees) and she was looking at a Picasso hung on the wall. So, she has the following associations with that experience:'Cat'/Shoulder grip/Pig farm odour/Pipe + Tobacco taste/Being uncomfortably warm/Picasso painting (+other aspects of surroundings). And that's not all. When the word 'Cat' was uttered, let's suppose the woman instantaneously had a visual image of her cat, Hector, sitting on her lap and purring. So, next time she strokes her cat, because the internal states are interlinked - no matter how weakly - she will have some recollection of the odour of the pig farm. Likewise, next time she feels uncomfortably warm, will she think of Picasso, being gripped by the shoulder, her cat and the taste of tobacco. ANYTHING present when an anchor is deliberately applied, and ANYTHING the subject might remember at the time all become reciprocally anchored together: the events also become anchored to previous experiences. [There are, obviously, ways around this - and ways of improving the relative strength of deliberate anchors - for practitioners, in terms of careful environmental control].

As outlined in the simple example above, a shoulder grip can evoke the thought of a cat (and any number of other things): conversely, the thought of 'Cat' will evoke the memory of the shoulder grip. That is a fairly obvious statement of reciprocity, and might appear banal until one explores what lies beyond it and what meaning it has in terms of everyday life. Day to day, human beings tend to behave habitually - live in the same environments, visit the same places, watch the same TV shows, drive the same car for years, interact with the same people. That is in the outside, observable world. Inwardly, we have similar habits - learned habits of language, emotion and thoughts. And here's the rub: in terms of reciprocal or 'reverse' anchoring OUR THOUGHTS CONDITION OUR ENVIRONMENT, and OUR ENVIRONMENT CONDITIONS OUR THOUGHTS. This is not a theory, this is actually observable if the reader is sufficiently alert. Since each of us spends a good part of every day in the non alert state (Aid/Vi internal state of 'thinking) and those thoughts are incidentally anchored by association to concurrent ongoing external events, random associations are being constructed by our nervous systems during such periods. Once these anchors are set, they can work in reverse such that events and spatial locations/objects can fire off certain thoughts. This effect will be particularly pronounced if the thoughts are repetitive in nature and carried out in the same physical location in that a feedback process will occur looping thought with spatial anchor. So next time you are walking past a particular tree and you find some strange though 'pops into your head from nowhere', perhaps you'll be able to understand why - and if you can track it, you perhaps will be able to discover how and when you first made the association.

I have to watch my mind, and see where these associations come from!

friday, june 11, 2004
 r e i n v e s t m e n t 

I AM ALREADY STARTING TO GET SOME GOOD RESULTS FROM THE LAUNCH OF MY SELF-HELP, NLP MASTERY CAMPAIGN. Nonetheless, I have decided, that whenever good results come in, and the good feelings that accompany them, I should reinvest that energy to reap even greater future returns. One idea to recuperate the energy is to "anchor" some of my triumphant emotions in various parts of my body, in the form of gestures (such as a clenched fist) which can be recovered at will. At a future time, when I am attending a job interview for example, and when I need a rush of confidence, I need only clench my fist, and the accumulated weight of triumphant energies will return. I have already started developing my anchors. The left fist will be for romantic triumph, and the right fist will be for business triumph.

Some other hints of wisdom from the NLP universe:

People have a primary processing channel, a secondary channel, and a third channel which is rarely used. We need to ask our interlocutor a question that has a 壮pecific・answer. For example: 展here did you go on holiday last year?・擢rance.・Before answering, the eyes will move towards a particular direction, indicating the preferred channel. The Visual looks upwards as if searching for an answer from an imaginary world above the head; the Auditory looks sideways; the Kinaesthetic looks downwards. It is important to catch the exact moment just before the answer as the eyes could then move in different directions, searching in different sensory channels. In this way you will obtain their primary channel or ACCESSING CHANNEL that will allow us to get on the same wavelength as our interlocutor.

The aim of a good communicator is to be able to use the processing channel that is rarely used. But we will not be allowed to do this if we don稚 first follow the sequence in the correct order. In relationships we normally only use the 電ormant・channel when we are emotionally involved with our interlocutor. It seems clear to me that if we are able to interact with this particular channel, we can emotionally involve the person we face, going well beyond simple understanding.

thursday, june 10, 2004
 e y e s c a n n i n g

I DID MY FIRST NLP EYE SCAN EXPERIMENT TODAY, AND IT WORKED! It didn't work out the way I thought it would, but I was able to ascertain the thinking pattern of my student Yoshiji Baba, who I have been teaching in Japan for a year or so. Based on the way he frequently looks down when he is thinking, and the way he often closes his eyes when he is thinking, I can infer that he is a "Digital" type (see posts below for an explanation) -- the type who is often conversing with himself in thought form. It is interesting to note that I have had trouble teaching him before, and sometimes find it frustrating to get my point across to him, or to explain something in English. But here is the beauty of NLP -- now I know how he thinks, I can restructure my communication to suit him. Therefore, it will become a better experience for both of us, I can be a better teacher, and can continue to retain him as a customer.

Some NLP links and the four types of thinkers:
Ask Dr. Tracy Love Library
nlp -- instant rapport class
Working With Money

wednesday, june 09, 2004
 b o d y l a n g u a g e

WELL, I GAVE THE KOKOLOGY TESTS A RUN TODAY, AND GOT SOME PRETTY GOOD AND ACCURATE RESULTS. I think I am on to something -- a new avenue of studying other people, and using my understanding to use life to my advantage. Anything is possible -- wealth, opulence, etc! But it is just the beginning, and there is a long way to go. However, the hardest step is the first step, and after a while, momentum will carry you to your goal.

Here is some information which I want to absorb and internalise, and which I could use to tell if someone was lying to me, for example.

In early 1976, Richard Bandler, John Grinder and their students began to explore the relationship between eye movements and the different senses as well as the different cognitive processes associated with the brain hemispheres.

In 1977 Robert Dilts conducted a study, at the Langley Porter Neuropsychiatric Institute in San Francisco, attempting to correlate eye movements to particular cognitive and neurophysiological processes. Dilts used electrodes to track both the eye movements and brain wave characteristics of subjects who were asked questions related to using the various senses of sight, hearing and feeling for tasks involving both memory ("right brain" processing) and mental construction ("left brain" processing). Subjects were asked a series of questions in eight groupings. Each grouping of questions appealed to a particular type of cognitive processing_visual, auditory, kinesthetic, and emotional (visceral feelings). Each was also geared to either memory (non-dominant hemisphere processing) or construction (dominant hemisphere processing). Dilts' recordings tended to confirm other tests which showed that lateralization of eye movements accompanied brain activity during different cognitive tasks. This pattern also seemed to hold for tasks requiring different senses.

As a result of these studies, and many hours of observations of people from different cultures and racial backgrounds from all over the world, the following eye movement patterns were identified (Dilts, 1976, 1977; Grinder, DeLozier and Bandler, 1977; Bandler and Grinder, 1979; Dilts, Grinder, Bandler and DeLozier, 1980):

Eyes Up and Left: Non-dominant hemisphere visualization - i.e., remembered imagery (Vr).

Eyes Up and Right: Dominant hemisphere visualization - i.e., constructed imagery and visual fantasy (Vc).

Eyes Lateral Left: Non-dominant hemisphere auditory processing - i.e., remembered sounds, words, and "tape loops" (Ar) and tonal discrimination.

Eyes Lateral Right: Dominant hemisphere auditory processing - i.e., remembered sounds and words (Ac) and "tape loops" (such as nursery rhymes), as well as tonal discrimination.

Eyes Down and Left: Internal dialogue, or inner self-talk (Ad).

Eyes Down and Right: Feelings, both tactile and visceral (K).

Eyes Straight Ahead, but Defocused or Dilated: Quick access of almost any sensory information; but usually visual.

Basic NLP Eye Accessing Cues

This pattern appears to be constant for right handed people throughout the human race (with the possible exception of the Basques, whose population appears to contain a fair number of 'exceptions to the rule'). Subsequent studies (Loiselle, 1985 and Buckner, Reese and Reese, 1987) have supported the NLP claim that eye movements both reflect and influence key cognitive componants of thought. Many left handed people, however, tend to be reversed from left to right. That is, their eye accessing cues are the mirror image of those of the average right hander. They look down and left for feelings, instead of down and right. Similarly, they look up and to the right to remember visual imagery, instead of up and to the left, and so on. A small number of people (including ambidextrous and a few right handed people) will be reversed in their some of their eye accessing cues (their visual eye movements, for example), but not the others.

To explore the relationship between eye movements and thinking for yourself, find a partner, ask the following questions, and observe his or her eye movements. For each question keep track of your partner's eye movements in one of the boxes (following the questions below) by using marks, lines or numbers that represent the sequence of positions you observe.

1. Visual Remembered: Think of the color of your car. What kind of pattern is on your bedspread? Think of the last time you saw someone running. Who were the first five people you saw this morning?
2. Visual Construction: Imagine an outline of yourself as you might look from six feet above us and see it turning into a city skyline. Can you imagine the top half of a toy dog on the bottom half of a green hippopotamus?
3. Auditory Remembered: Can you think of one of your favorite songs? Think of the sound of clapping. How does your car's engine sound?
4. Auditory Constructed: Imagine the sound of a train's whistle changing into the sound of pages turning. Can you hear the sound of a saxophone and the sound of your mother's voice at the same time?
5. Auditory Digital (Internal Self Talk): Take a moment and listen to the sound of your own inner voice. How do you know it is your voice? In what types of situations do you talk to yourself the most? Think of the kinds of things that you say to yourself most often.
6. Kinesthetic Remembered: (Tactile) When was the last time you felt really wet? Imagine the feelings of snow in your hands. What does a pine cone feel like? When was the last time you touched a hot cooking utensil? (Visceral/Emotional) Can you think of a time you felt satisfied about something you completed? Think of what it feels like to be exhausted. When was the last time you felt impatient?
7. Kinesthetic Construction: (Tactile) Imagine the feelings of stickiness turning into the feelings of sand shifting between your fingers. Imagine the feelings of dog's fur turning into the feelings of soft butter. (Visceral/Emotional) Imagine the feelings of frustration turning into the feeling of being really motivated to do something. Imagine the feeling of being bored turning into feeling silly about feeling bored.

It is important to keep in mind, as you are observing and tracking eye movements, that many people will already have habitual eye movements, related to their primary representational modality. A highly visual person may tend to look up and to the left or right, regardless of which sensory modality is assumed by your question. If you ask such a person to think of his or her "favorite song," the person may visualize the cover of the record, tape or CD in order to remember the name of the song. A kinesthetically oriented person may look down and check his or her feelings to determine how he or she feels about several songs in order to know which one is his or her "favorite." Thus it is important to ask people what they actually did in their minds as they were answering the questions in order to get an accurate sense of what their eye movements signified.

Once you feel confident in eye movements as accessing cues, and in your ability to "read" them, there are many ways they can be used. As was mentioned earlier, habitual eye movements reflect a person's preferred sensory modality. If you ask someone, "What is something that is really important to you? Think of it now," the placement of the person's eyes as he or she is answering your question will probably tell you a lot about that person's most valued representational system.

Eye movements can also be used to determine how truthful or congruent a person is being. If a person is describing an event that he or she has witnessed or participated in, for instance, the person's eyes should move primarily to his or her left (if the person is right handed), indicating memory access. If the person looks up and to the right a lot, however, it is likely that the person is constructing or reconstructing some aspect of the experience he or she is describing. This may indicate that the person is either uncertain or being untruthful about what he or she is saying.

The most common application of eye positions in NLP is to determine the representational strategies a person is using in order to think or make a decision. Since many aspects of people's thinking processes are unconscious to them, spontaneous eye movements can be an extremely important part of eliciting and modeling a person's inner strategies for decision making, learning, motivation, memory, etc.

So, there is a lot I can learn from this knowledge, and the great thing is that I will possess this knowledge for the rest of my life. I am sure it will really make a difference, over time. Here is some more knowledge from the school of NLP:

Belief Change Cycle
People often consider the process of changing beliefs to be difficult and effortful. And yet, the fact remains that people naturally and spontaneously change dozens if not hundreds of beliefs during their life. Perhaps the difficulty is that when we consciously attempt to change our beliefs, we do so in a way that does not respect the natural cycle of belief change. We try to change our beliefs by "repressing" them or fighting with them. According to the theory of self organization, beliefs would change through a natural cycle in which the parts of a person's system which hold the existing belief in place become destabilized. A belief could be considered a type of high level attractor around which the system organizes. When the system is destabilized, the new belief may be brought in without conflict or violence. The system may then be allowed to restabilize around a new point of balance or homeostasis.

Organic systems often change through processes that take the form of cycles. While the content of these cycles shift and vary, the deep structure of the cycle stays constant. From the view of systems theory, therapeutic methods involve a structure in which an existing pattern in the 'landscape' is reaccessed and then 'destabilized' by bringing in new insights and perspectives. When new 'attractors' are introduced into this destabilized state, in the form of new understandings and resources, the system naturally and spontaneously reorganizes itself through "associative correction" into a new stable pattern.

This natural cycle of change might be likened to the changing of the seasons. A new belief is like a seed that becomes planted in the Spring. The seed grows into the Summer where it matures, becomes strong and takes root. In the Autumn the belief begins to become outdated and wither, its purpose served. The fruits of the belief, however, (the positive intentions and purposes behind it) are retained or 'harvested', and separated from the parts that are no longer necessary. Finally, in the Winter, the parts of the belief which are no longer needed are let go of and fade away, allowing the cycle to begin again.

monday, june 07, 2004
 how to be a winner in life

EVERY NOW AND THEN THERE ARE TIMES WHEN IT IS POSSIBLE TO COMPLETELY CHANGE THE WAY YOU LOOK AT LIFE. Usually, following long periods of discontent, you stumble upon pieces of information which challenge you take a risk, go beyond yourself, out of desperation that you are somehow missing out on life. Suddenly you find it is actually possible, in spite of all your fears, to live differently than you did before. Personality can be changed, little by little, behaviour pattern by behaviour pattern. In the past few days I have encountered one of these learning opportunities -- these transforation portals. And in these past few days, I have already turned around the way I think of myself and my future. Suddenly, after long years of doubt, of resignation that life can't be changed, it is just destiny -- suddenly, anything seems possible now! I can live my dreams! It is all just a matter of attitude. Or actually, it is all a matter of technique -- once you have a good technique, a positive attitude will surely come. All those positive thinking books and New Age religions are missing the point. It is useless to try and change your attitude and confidence if you don't know the right techniques for living. Confidence is the natural result of a successful life, and not the other way round. Actually, it is dangerous to be confident and feeling great when your life is not a resounding success. Pain of any kind is a warning, and poor self esteem is a sign that you living life incorrectly. It is all about technique -- patterns of behviour...

The inspiration for my transformation came from reading Maniac High's seduction advice website called Pick-Up Guide. Like me, Maniac High is a froeigner living in Japan. Unlike me, he seems to be doing significantly better on the babe front. But that is not because he is better looking than me, or naturally better than women -- I am sure it is only because he knows the right moves, has done his homework, and has all the right techniques. Fortunately, Maniac High is not protective of his secrets, and is willing to share the wisdom he has accrued. Merely reading Maniac High's pointers has given me a rush of confidence, of an intensity I have never felt before. I haven't even tried out his tricks yet, but I am sure they work. I will start my experimentation this week. And it makes me wonder -- what if life was just a game, a sport? What if there were techniques for everything? What if it were possible to live a life of opulence, satisfy every fantasy, and live every dream. Dreams are just futures that long to become real, to become memories.

Here are some pearls of wisdom from the Pick-Up Guide, that I want to contemplate, and absorb into my being:

If you don't know in the first twenty minutes whether or not you're going to have sex with the woman you just met, and whether or not you even want to, you're not a seductionist.

It is the 'right brain' you want to reach, to lay a chick. That is where all those emotional and racy feelings work. If you are logical, then your information/chatter will only get as far as the left brain, and never make it to the right, where you need to go to lead the chick. That is why you need stories, NLP..etc, to drive the imagination, and activate the right side, and get IT making the decisions rather than the left side.

And so on. Anyway, my approach for now is to first ascertain whether "personality tests" work. You can find plenty of personality tests/seduction games on Maniac High's websites, which are designed to gauge people's attitudes towards love and sex, without asking them in as many words. My gut feeling is, they actually work, but I want to try them out in the field, with girls that I like. The next step after that, is to use various techniques to enter the girls's respective minds, to infatuate them. That's for next week -- this week will be devoted to the personality tests.

thursday, june 03, 2004
 s e d u c t i o n # 2

YESTERDAY I FOUND THIS WEBSITE COMPILED BY ANOTHER FOREIGNER LIVING IN JAPAN, ABOUT HIS SEXUAL EXPLOITS. It is called Pick-Up Guide. The author, Maniac, claims to have cracked the code for seducing women, and I must admit, he does say a lot of interesting things. However, after reading through his site for a while, it becomes clear that a lot of his techniques are not so wonderful after all -- just sheer pressure, lying, cheating. For example, some of his rules: never buy dinner for a woman because she will exploit you; women love jerks, so try to be a jerk as much as possible, etc. After a while it becomes clear -- Maniac is an asshole, with some pretty screwed up ideas. Still, if you're a guy interested in reading about the raunchier side of living in Japan, check out his site. I just wish I had some more raunchy tales of my own! But even if I did, I would be reluctant to publish them here, since the girls involved know my homepage address, and would bust my balls if they saw their private sexual experiences printed online, for all to see.

However depraved and mysogenistic Maniac High is, I still feel inspired to absorb a little bit of him into me, to become more of a player in Japan. Instead of being an asshole player, I want to be a nice guy player. But I feel the whole weight of my personality pushing against that -- feelings of inadequacy, passivity, a kind of jealous resentment. I have to change my approach to life, but sometimes big changes can happen suddenly. This time last year I was worried about my health, and not being the sort of person interested in healthy living, I thought it was impossible to change my ways. However, change I did, and now I am very interested in healthy food and so on -- I managed to make healthiness interesting, I made it my own, a part of me. I developed my own philosophy of healthiness, based on Asian and Japanese wisdom -- I began drinking green tea every day, and found that as well being healthy, it can also get you high. Recently, I started drinking ginseng, and I found that as well as being a healthy tonic, it is also a little trippy!

So, my strategy is this: I have to reprogram my mind to become the player that I truly deserve to be. I have plenty of opportunities, but there is something inside of me, stopping me from actualising these opportunities. I am going to use the Internet to find the truth -- real strategies and tactics that work -- and then internalise them through this page (nikki5.html/the Swinger page.) This is my experiment. And I hope that somebody gets some benefit out of my discoveries!

Tip number #1: THE KISS TEST
1. I used to have no idea if a woman was ready to be kissed. Here's what I do now: If I've been talking to a girl, and I want to know if she's ready to be kissed, I'll reach over and touch her hair while we're talking and make a comment about it. I'll say "Your hair looks so soft" and just touch the tips of it. If she smiles and likes this, I'll reach back over and start stroking it again, but this time I also glance down at her lips and back up to her eyes a couple of times. If she lets me keep touching her hair, I know that she's ready to be kissed. (Hopefully next weekend I will have the chance to test this theory, and put it into action!)

wednesday, june 02, 2004
 s e d u c t i o n

I HAD A "MOMENT OF CLARITY" THE OTHER NIGHT WHEN I WENT OUT TO A JAPANESE BAR, IN THE FOREIGNER ENCLAVE OF ROPPONGI. Thanks to my Californian buddy Preston for giving me the hints which led to this realisation. You see Preston is a magician, and a couple of months ago he did what magicians are not supposed to do, and that is to explain the secrets of their tricks. Once you know the trick, it suddenly becomes so obvious -- like when you realise the solution of a difficult puzzle. Thanks Preston -- you initiated me into a sublime mystery, and I want to become a magician myself now. Or rather, a babe magician! But more on that later.

Anyway, I went to a cafe/bar in Roppongi on Saturday night with my Japanese buddy Masahiro, who I met a couple of months ago at a barbeque, and who also has aspirations to be a babe magician. Isn't it remarkable how the right people come into your life at the right time -- there truly is a plan to life, even if you are not aware of it at the time. Masahiro wanted to go girlhunting (called "nampa" in Japan), so we went out to a bar/cafe called "The Oriental Hotel", I believe. It was a pretty interesting little place with photos on the walls of famous people who had dined there, including Janet Jackson, Skid Row, etc. While we were eating some Thai food this Japanese guy came over to our table to do a magic trick. He put a couple of American half-dollar coins into my right hand, and said he was going to make one of them disappear and reappear in my left hand. After my introduction to magic from Preston, I was eager to discover the secret behind this guy's technique. I figured the best approach was to think literally -- logically. And sure enough, I figured him out.

I don't want to give away the secret because, you know, magic secrets are not to be revealed! But here is a hint: the coins were hollow!

Masahiro, my little wingman, was more easily fooled. He ended up paying the guy a 5000 yen tip ($50). What a lot of money for such a cheap trick!

tuesday, february 17, 2004
 d i s n e y l a n d

I MADE MY FIRST EVER VISIT TO ONE OF THE DISNEYLAND FRANCHISES YESTERDAY, AND WAS STUNNED AT TIMES BY THE SURREALISM OF SOME OF THE ATTRACTIONS. This truly would be a good place to visit stoned on magic mushrooms (which used to be legal in Japan; sadly, this is no longer the case.) I can imagine the trippy delights of cruising a floating log through an enchanted grotto, or flying Peter Pan-style over the streets of 19th century London -- strange cartoon characters coming to life and jabbering at you in a cacophony of deranged voices, everything so colourful and ultra-real... it would be like sailing into a dream! I guess for children, they don't need the mushrooms -- they are already in that state of inner magic!

saturday, february 14, 2004
 how to be a tv star in japan

I WON'T PRETEND THAT I AM A STAR ON JAPANESE TV, BUT I HAVE MADE A NUMBER OF TV APPEARANCES IN THE LAST FEW MONTHS, AND ON MAJOR PROGRAMS TOO. For foreigners, this is easy to do! And while the pay isn't exactly anything to write home about, the occasional Japanese TV assignment can be an excellent cultural experience, and it gives you some good stories to impress other people with, and you meet some absolute nutters on set.

I know I am a terrible actor and I don't care -- I get no particular thrill being on the screen, and in fact would rather not watch myself. The only benefits I obtain from this strange kind of work is being able to impress people, and the money. As Han Solo would say it: "I'm in it for the money!" But I get the impression that actually a lot of the foreigners doing these bit roles on TV are in it for other purposes -- namely, they want to be stars! They pride themselves on their acting skills, they have made portfolios of themselves modelling in a range of poses and garments, and they dream of one day making it big as a celebrity in Japan. The old cliche of the actor or model who failed in Hollywood and then moved to Japan is sadly true. Some of these guys look terrible! I'm even worse, but I don't care -- and that's the difference!

My most recent assignment was for a television comedy called "Suijuu" or 鐃緒申鐃飾, which is screened every Wednesday night on Fuji-TV. There were about 20 or more foreign actors there, from all over the world -- the inevitable Middle Eastern brigade, Brazilians and Russians, Frenchmen and English, and a couple of Americans. We were meant to be lawyers presenting Suijuu's female star a contract (鐃・鐃緒申) which would enable her to become a princess, so long as she agreed to all of the conditions. And some of those conditions were pretty ridiculous -- like having to wear a princess outfit wherever she went, even just stepping out to a convenience store, for example.

Anyway, we were waiting for the shooting to start when I met one of the American actors, whose name I won't mention (mainly because I can't remember it!) He promptly tossed me a couple of ring-bound folders and said with no trace of modesty: "This is what you have been waiting to see!"

I opened the folders to find photos of this buffed and slightly overweight Californian posing in suits or casual wear, clippings of him on the cover of several American martial arts magazines (karate and kali, the stick fighting style from The Philippines), and a resume which included the boast: "experienced in automatic and semi-automatic weapons handling." I raised a query about that one. "Hey, I've got jobs from that -- sometimes they need someone who knows how to fire a gun." And he said if a Japanese director ever needed someone for a kali fighting scene, they'd remember his skills and give him a call.

Actually I want to make a kali movie clip one day, because I have a stick-fighting episode in my online novel. Next time I see the Californian I should take his card. I can't pay him anything because I am a pennyless amateur, but maybe he would be willing to do it for the glory and the fame.

Some photos I took at the shoot:

鐃沼鐃塾り^沼// h a r a b a u

I HAVE BEEN GOING THROUGH A NEW FAD LATELY -- LEARNING JAPANESE! Even though I live in Japan it doesn't mean I am constantly interested in learning Japanese -- for a large part of last year I was more interested in Scandinavia and learning about Iceland. That fad has passed, and a new Japanese fad has begun. There are so many cool words in the Japanese language and I want to learn them all!

So, for today, an obscure word I found in my dictionary -- 鐃沼鐃塾り^沼or "harabau", which means to "lie on one's stomach". Pretty obscure I know, but it could come in handy somewhere, at least to get a few laughs from Japanese who will be surprised I know such a word and how to use it!

So, at the moment I like to learn from the Internet, which is much more interesting than using a textbook. Here are some results which came when I typed "harabau" into a search engine:

1. 鐃緒申鐃・鐃宿戊^緒申蜍櫁^緒申・鐃緒申鐃緒申g鐃縮り^緒申鐃緒申鐃緒申這鐃緒申闢・鐃緒申楳鐃緒申鐃障鐃緒申鐃緒申鐃宿・鐃塾り^緒申鐃緒申・鐃緒申鐃緒申鐃処リ鐃・鐃埴鐃・鐃上鐃緒申鐃重り^緒申鐃緒申B
Irie ni magirekonde kita wata no shizukana oto kikinagara, shirozuna ni watashi wa sukkari rizout kibun deshita.
While I listened to the silence as we diverted back across the inlet, I felt like I was lying on my stomach on white sands at a resort.

VOCABULARY
1. 鐃緒申鐃・. . . Irie. . . Inlet, small bay.
2. 鐃緒申鐃緒申鐃笑 . . Magireru. . . Diverted.
3. 鐃・鐃緒申鐃丈. . . Watashifune. . . Ferry.
4. 鐃埴鐃夙り^緒申鐃笑 . . -nagara. . . at the same time, while.
5. 鐃緒申鐃緒申鐃緒申鐃笑 . . Sukkari. . . Completely, thoroughly.

monday, january 26, 2004
 out of the red

AT THE RISK OF JUMPING THE GUN AND JINXING MYSELF, I FEEL BOLD ENOUGH TO PROCLAIM: My days of financial austerity are over!

I always predicted and hoped that 2004 would be a year of affuence, after the grim constant out-of-pocketness of 2003. It seems my prediction is coming true. However, instead of being forced to return to working for a company, as I expected, I will be able to work for myself and also be reasonably well off. And imagine if, as the year continues, my income rises, as I get new students? It is the dream life -- working for myself, no boss breathing down my neck, but also enough money coming in to travel and live well.

Last year was without a doubt the best year of my life, and despite the recent slump starting with the Akiko Breakup, there is no reason that 2004 can't be better still. Moreover, having tasted poverty, I can enjoy the return to affluence in an even more sensuous way than would have been possible had I always been affluent. It is like I am taking timid, tentative steps back into affluence, because I still can't believe that my fortunes could have changed so fast. The idea of going out buying clothes would have been unthinkable a month ago. But that is exactly what I am intending to do this week, as I have enough money to afford it.

This weekend I hosted a visit from my Californian buddy Preston Grassman, who has been living in Japan since early 2003, and replaced me at my former job when I got, er, fired! We went out to a bar on Saturday night, and he told me about how he writes for a science fiction magazine. I was startled when he pulled out a copy of the magazine he had with him which featured him posing with sci-fi legend Arthur C Clarke in Sri Lanka. As I want to be a sci-fi writer myself, I now find myself thinking -- is this a piece of cosmic destiny that I have met Preston? Maybe he was sent in my path, to help me reach my goals? But the goals themselves are not mine, the stories I write are also not mine -- I am just an instrument, a medium. The stories want to become real, and I am but a tool for their expression.

sunday, january 11, 2004 /// ground zero
FOR THE BEST SIX OR SEVEN YEARS I HAVE BEEN TRYING TO WRITE AN ONLINE NOVEL, A TRUE MULTITHREADED, INTERACTIVE EPIC. To be honest it has rambled all over the place, but I often get the feeling that it is actually writing itself, as if it already exists somewhere, and I am merely channeling it into this reality. Sometimes, when I waking up or going to sleep, I get new ideas for the grander narrative structure of this evolving work -- sometimes good, sometimes bad. Last night, as I lay in bed, I got one of the gooder type of ideas.

My idea is this: imagine if you lived in a world in which everything was disappearing. Not only people were disappearing literally before your eyes and walking past security cameras without being seen, but entire places were disappearing from the map. What could cause such an effect? A passing black hole or the collision with another universe (it's "brane-storming!") Not even people and places are vanishing, as if the Bermuda Triangle was on the move, and sucking everything up, but even letters were disappearing from the page! In one episode (EYETEST), the hero of the story is called before his supervisor and asked to perform an eye examination. Read on here.

sunday, january 04, 2004 /// new sea change

monday, january 05, 2004 /// immortality
I WAS THINKING RECENTLY ABOUT THAT CHRISTIAN EXPRESSION: "For God so loved the world that he was willing to sacrafice his only son". I suddenly realised a new interpretation of that expression: that we, as spirits, were so in love with "reality" (The Earth) that we were willing to give up our immortality, and accept a short life here. Kind of like Arwyn in LORD OF THE RINGS. Just an idea! But if it is true, it means there is no Afterlife for us, because we gave that up for the pleasure of being here.

My Japanese word of the day was taught to me by Masumi, after I told her about my psychic dreams -- it is "masayume" 鐃緒申鐃緒申 or "true dream". I'm sure it will come in handy in the future.

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